Okay, this was actually too hilarious not to pass on.  Seriously, it’s this good.

I was over on AskMen.com looking for something to talk about when I blundered onto a list of gadgets for the car that are pretty much useless, or otherwise stupid.  And they were talking about the emergency trunk release system for the Lotus.

Now, this is technically a safety requirement, but it’s a lot like those “Warning: Do Not Use In Bathtub” warning labels on the sides of hair dryers.  Because those are also a safety requirement but they’re no less hilarious.  Anyway, the Lotus line of cars has an emergency trunk release system, on the off chance that someone should be trapped in the trunk.

The funny part comes in when you consider that a Lotus trunk is barely large enough for a pizza box, let along a fully grown (or even partially grown) human being.

Of course, you could follow AskMen’s lead and make a joke about Britney Spears here (wonder if she could get Sean Preston into the trunk? ) but it’s sufficient to let it be hair-dryer-warning-label hilarious all on its own.

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These days, folks, it almost seems like you’re taking your life into your hands every time you venture out from the safety of your home cave.  But things like the BodyGard Self Powered Emergency Tool can help make you feel just a little better.

First, the whole “self-powered” thing–that’s not a misnomer.  This thing comes with a hand crank dynamo built right in so that under pretty much any circumstances short of a massive electromagnetic pulse hitting the earth, you’ll have power.

And what will you be powering?  Why, an array of useful car gadgets, that’s what!  An LED flashlight, a red emergency flasher, a digital tuner FM radio, a panic button with alarm, a motion activated security alarm, a cell phone charger output, an AC charging adapter input, and even some lesser powered stuff like a compass, signaling mirror and storage compartment for pills or matches or an emergency key.

Okay, sounds great, right?  But what are they asking in terms of PRICE on that kind of thing?  How does twenty smacks sound?  Yeah, I KNOW…that’s pretty awesome.  So go grab one!

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Roadside Assistance Safety Kit

Unfortunately, breakdowns are an unavoidable fact, no matter how advanced our vehicles get or how well you maintain your automobile. When and if that happens, it pays to be prepared. ThinkGeek has compiled this handy compact kit for just $17.99 featuring basic supplies that could get you out of a jam in the event of a breakdown. The following items are packed into a nylon case that fits nicely into your trunk.

Contents include: Booster cables, Orange safety vest, Cotton gloves, 2-in-1 screwdriver, Bungee cord, Roll of PVC tape, Emergency poncho, Flashlight with batteries, Cables ties and lastly, a 19 piece first-aid supply kit.

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An astonishingly common problem that often goes unreported is the situation where a driver loses control of their vehicle after suffering a serious health-related problem when driving. To address this problem, BMW is working on a new system that will allow the car to be brought to a safe and controlled stop on the side of the road during a health-related emergency. Labelled the “Emergency Stop Assistant”, it is currently in the prototype stage and works by triggering an autonomous driving mode whenever it notices that the driver has a serious medical problem.

This autonomous driving mode will then execute a controlled emergency stop by bringing the vehicle to a complete stop automatically, while also allowing for any surrounding traffic. Simultaneously, an emergency call is sent out containing information required to start the necessary medical and traffic-related assistance measures. Development is being managed together with the German government under the new SmartSenior research project, but there is no market release date as of yet.

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