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May 16, 2008
Time for an SUV Bailout?
With gas prices hitting an average $3.78 a gallon in the U.S., millions of people who thought it was their god given right to plow down the freeway in vehicles that were more buses than cars are fretting that they can't afford the gas to go and buy something they don't need. You know, in order to do their part for the economy.
So maybe it's time for a bailout for these suckers, who used to love looking down their noses at furry environmentalists driving crap boxes, and who now look forlornly as life passes them by on the way to the mall.
You see, we thought of this because of the current fervor over mortgage bailouts, the theory of which says we can't have people, and the banks that enable them, suffering due to their bad decisions and/or greed and/or fraudulent behavior.
So why don't we give people a free house and buy back their big SUV at the same time, replacing it with an economical car?
The biggest question should be where to attach the bow -- on the car or the house? And hey, if Ty Pennington will show up for the house rechristening, we'll show up for the BRAND NEW CAR! presentation.
By buying the old gas guzzler and giving them a check to buy an economical car, we'll be stimulating demand for the auto industry, which is always good in a recession that no one dares speak its name.
Plus, people will use less gas, and emit less pollution, which is good for Al Gore and his cronies, and at the same time, they'll have more money to spend on consumables, which is what consumers are supposed to do.
So we can help the environment, the auto industry, the economy at large and most importantly, millions of people who made an imprudent long term decision -- because that's what government is for, helping people. And since the government is made up of people, and people want to help people, what are we waiting for?
Editor's note: we were kicking this smart aleck idea around for a couple weeks as our annoyance with the housing bailout festers. And just as we started to write, we saw this editorial in Investor's Business Daily, seriously proposing such a massive buyback of uneconomical vehicles.
Unfortunately, the article doesn't suggest where all those gas guzzlers should be placed -- in Chindia? Thus shifting consumption? Or destroyed for scrap? [And then sent to Chindia].
For the record, our suggestion is an intentional joke, IBD actually seems serious.
Posted by Frank at May 16, 2008 10:30 AM | Filed under 5th Wheel | Auto Marketing | Auto News | Environment | Finance