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February 12, 2005

Welcome to the Surveillance Society, Part Deux

AAA_Safety_Guidebook.jpg
[Click to download the AAA Guidebook - PDF.]


Or, the Road to Hell is Paved
with Neighborhood Busybodies

Sometimes you can't believe what you read. Or don't want to. In today's example, we have the AAA Foundation distributing a guidebook about wearing safety restraints and making sure kids are properly situated in their own harnesses. Pretty typical public service announcement hoo-ha.

But. The purpose of the "guidebook" is to instruct people on how to conduct studies of safety equipment usage in their communities.

In other words, a non-profit organization is encouraging people to stand on street corners, highway shoulders and parking lots -- and record data about the safety equipment usage rates of total strangers.

This is mind-boggling. Personally, I understand and support what are known as primary seat belt laws -- which allows police to pull you over if you're not belted.

But now AAA is encouraging citizens -- unauthorized, untrained simple folks without any raison d'etre except to get in your bidness -- to loiter in public with a clipboard and write down whether or not I'm wearing my seat belt!

What's next? Is the Eye, Ear Nose & Throat Foundation going to encourage people to do a study on nose picking in the general populace? Personally, I'd get fingered on that one, but that's besides the point.

And who exactly is going to have the time or inclination to do one of these neighborhood studies? I'll tell you, the same frustrated, this side of postal dweebs who serve on the boards of Home Owner Associations and hang violation notices on your doorknob if you put a three-and-a-half foot Santa on your front lawn, that's who!

This idea is so flawed, so utterly nutty I can't believe it got out of committee. Bad, bad, bad idea. So bad in fact I am breaking my personal "no ranting" rule I have set for myself with this publication.

And I just love some of the goals of the project:

Increase interest in enforcing occupant protection laws
Evaluate the effectiveness of education and enforcement efforts

In other words, collect data, then turn it over to the police -- after standing up in some non-attended city council meeting and waving a sheaf of paper in the air, demanding action, and then talking to some 23-year old girl reporter for the local rag and [humbly] talking about how you wanted to "give something back to the community."

In the study itself, there's another whopper, advising those conducting surveys that maybe they should tell the cops what they're doing:

When conducting traffic safety studies and surveys on the highways, roadways, and at shopping centers, it is wise to inform local law enforcement agencies and government officials about your project and your intent to collect data in their community. Gaining their permission is important.

And what if they observe cops not wearing their safety belts? Are they going to tell their shift supervisors? Or maybe throw it in during their girl reporter interview, for a little spice? And what about perps, do they count? I mean some number-crunching cave fish somewhere has got to have a statistic about how many "alleged" criminals are injured in the back of cop cars because they weren't wearing their safety belts.

Can you imagine: "That's right Sarge. No, he didn't hit his head getting into the car, his entire face is smashed in because I stopped short to talk to these old ladies waving their clipboards around. Yes, sir, I'll make sure all my guests are properly tucked in from now on."

Finally, there's this piece of advice, about doing surveys on private property:

Conducting surveys on private property, such as a shopping center, a fast-food restaurant,or a pediatric center, will also require permission from property managers or owners.

Sure thing, a property owner or restaurant manager is going to let you loiter in their parking lot so you can harass their customers about not wearing their seat belt as they're slurping down a Big Mac while talking on the phone and making a left turn across four lanes of traffic!

And let's not forget about liability, either. Imagine someone, somewhere, getting out of their vehicle, totally unrestrained, and filing that clipboard someplace indelicate.

Right, like the property owner isn't going to get sued for that one: "You shouldn't have let them do it, Jimmy, because you know the customers at your Road House, BBQ Pit and Tattoo Parlor aren't the kind of folks who'd take kindly to that sort of surveillance."

Finally, cause I'm out of steam, what about license plates? Are people going to be writing down the plate numbers, whether AAA advises them to or not, and report offenders to the cops, who, by now are gleefully cooperating with the silver-haired, safety belt KGB?

I seriously hope this moronic idea blows up in non-profit AAA's face.

Posted by Frank at February 12, 2005 8:13 PM | Filed under 5th Wheel | Auto News | Safety

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